The Pep Talk
There are obviously many different types of relationships, and whilst love is often high on the agenda I think it would be beneficial to us all if we could see all types of relationships as a work in progress rather than a finished product. To have a successful relationship we need to have a good idea of who we are and what we need. Otherwise, we can fall into the trap of being with people who don't meet our needs; they may be great for others but toxic for us. We can all make the mistake of falling for the wrong person but don't let it get you down, life is a journey, and if we take a wrong turn we don't give up and go home, we merely get our bearings and carry on towards our destination. Never let yourself be so damaged you lose faith in love altogether, to close our hearts is the worst thing that can ever happen in life and no man or woman is worth it. There will always be those that we need to avoid like the bubonic plague, and I don't mean those with a bad history. If the other person makes too many stressful aspects to your Moon, the chances are you'll never get the emotional security from the relationship especially if it's Uranus doing the dirty. If you have Moon/Uranus aspects natally you may well cope with it as you'll have an understanding of the hidden dynamics at work. In fact, that can go for any difficult aspects; if you have them natally, then you'll know what you're letting yourself in for. Don't kid yourself you can change anyone; they are who they are. We all have our faults and dysfunctions; we are all learning. If you can't accept them the way they are, you must walk away.
Healthy relationships are about compromise and acceptance; if someone wants to change, they'll do it without your nagging or attempts to heal them of their wounds. If you want to be a healer, find yourself some clients but get rid of the idea you were somehow destined to be together so you could heal all his hurts. Relationships can be healing but not through deliberate attempts to fix. Stay out of triangles. Lust is frequently mistaken for love in the early stages; the heady infatuation is both addictive and alluring. I'd always recommend giving it at least two months before deciding whether it is just lust or if it has the potential to develop into something stronger.
There is little point analysing a potential partner until you have started dating or at least given it a couple of months of knowing the person before looking into things more deeply. The biggest hurdle is getting things off the ground, and if you find it slips into a cycle of going round in circles and never quite getting anywhere, then I advise you forget it and move on regardless of how painful that might be. We cannot have our hearts on hold for any reason, and if you find yourself playing the waiting game, it can be incredibly frustrating. Not all attractions will become anything solid, and it depends on your individual needs as to whether you want something brief or you're looking for marriage, I don't think it matters which as long as you are true to yourself. Always be clear about your intentions, don't accept any type of relationship if it's not what you want. If you are hoping something casual will become long term without clarifying this with your partner you are asking for trouble, and neither is it fair if you are only in it for fun and your partner is the one hoping for stability.
Respect the one you're with at all times, don't play games and don't say you're fine with something if you're not. A healthy relationship is one in which you can communicate the good and bad; it is about honesty and integrity, so if these things are missing...something is wrong, and it's probably not love.
The Planetary Roles
The Sun - When your Sun is highlighted in synastry, it signifies someone who forces you to be more aware of who you are on a soul level. The chances are you will take more notice of yourself and find it easier to align with your life's purpose. Your Sun represents who you are at your core. If your Suns are trine or conjunct, the basic energy should be free flowing, but even squares and oppositions can be beneficial. The biggest obstacle to challenging aspects will be your ability to accept the other person without trying to turn them into something that they can never be.
The Moon - Leads us towards our inner needs. Regardless whether the aspects to it are good or bad, when someone's planets aspect your Moon it'll give you a chance to look at your emotional needs. It is likely you will feel an emotional connection even if it is someone you work with. A Moon-Saturn contact is said to be a karmic aspect and can give longevity, it may cool things slightly but don't dismiss the benefits. Your natal moon will describe your inner needs, what you need to be comfortable. The Sun-Moon contacts between two people are said to be important in intimate relationships.
Mercury - For good or bad, communication will be highlighted. If Mercury aspects the moon it should make it easier to talk about feelings, but a stressful aspect could make it harder. Saturn could give rise to serious discussions. Uranus will give stimulating conversations. Your Mercury will show what you need to communicate, the planet aspecting it tells you what the other person needs you to hear.
Venus - This describes how we give our love and what we value. Contacts to Venus are needed if a relationship is to become personal, and without them, the energy exchange cannot take place. Venus-Mars contacts are traditionally important for love. Pluto-Venus may well give slightly obsessive motivations. Someone's Uranus aspecting your Venus may well give the feeling you're plugged into a socket.
Mars - Brings impulsive and competitive energy, yet Mars may be required to initiate personal relationships. Your own Mars signifies how you get what you want; it will also show your level of competitiveness. Someone's Uranus on your Mars may be too erratic to handle. Saturn could be felt as restricting but if you find it hard to commit then it could be just what you need. Mars-Pluto could indicate power struggles if both parties are unaware of the hidden dynamic.
Jupiter - Expands whatever it touches; it'll make feelings stronger for better or worse. Your own Jupiter will show you what your ethics are. Without a little Jupiter in synastry, it may be difficult for the relationship to grow. There could also be problems with differences of opinion and belief with heavily negative aspects.
Saturn - Although some say Saturn stifles and restricts, it is a necessary component for an enduring relationship. Without Saturn, it may be difficult to feel any sense of responsibility towards the other and whilst I'm no advocate of co-dependency, I struggle to see how we can maintain a long-term relationship through thick and thin without it. Generally seen as a bad guy it can bring stability and help with endurance through hard times.
Uranus - This planet can electrify and give sparks; certainly won't be dull or boring, but on the other side it can make you unsettled and unless there is a strong Saturn contact it may be impossible to maintain a long term relationship. The overall need is for periodic separation, if you're naturally clingy stay well away from Uranian contacts yet if you're looking for fun it may be just what you need. Expect the unexpected.
Neptune - Unrequited love, delusion, sacrifice, confusion but also increased sensitivity and a soulful quality. If there are no Saturn contacts I would advise caution; the chances are it'll stay in the realms of dreams and imagination, and the possibility of it being brought into reality are slim. On a positive note, it can give a feeling of the relationship being fated, and beautiful ideals can become real. Artistic pursuits would be a good way to channel some of the energy; the Italian Renaissance always springs to mind when I think of Neptune.
Pluto - All the outer planets will make love more complex if they are aspecting your personal planets and whilst this is great for personal growth, it can be incredibly challenging. Pluto aspects to the Moon or Venus can force you to the depths of despair and trigger emotions you never knew existed. Compulsive and obsessive at times yet psychological wisdom is both the key and prize with Plutonian relationships. Power struggles are possible and unconscious motivations are plentiful. It can lead to rebirth if handled well but tread carefully in the early days.
Ascendant - Aspects here will shine a light on how you present yourself to the world. In a positive way, you may change your appearance for the better or feel more confident as a person. Negatively you could lose sight of yourself and neglect your appearance altogether.
The I.C - Contacts involving the I.C can give a strong desire to set up home together, or maybe they make you feel like you're at home, although Uranus may be an indicator of disruption to the home.
Midheaven - People who shine a light on your MC may well be beneficial to the advancement of your career. If it's a family member they may offer support in a practical manner; a lover aspecting may be accepting of your need to pursue a chosen career.
The north node - Our spiritual destiny in this lifetime. It goes without saying that those who contact your north node will somehow help you along the path that you have chosen. The squares can give obstacles and must be considered as potential distractions from your path. When the nodes are affected, it is highly possible that it is a significant contact and there is something to learn. Look deeper. You must analyse the planets that are in play to understand what this person is offering you. Pluto may well be clearing the way for a new path; Uranus could jolt you back in the right direction, the Moon will be compassionate towards your goals.
The south node - Our spiritual past. Contacts to the south node can give rise to feelings of familiarity; Mercury may feel like a brother or sister, Sun and Saturn can feel fatherly. The north is where we are going, and the south is where we come from; too much emphasis on the south node can hold you back. You may feel that strong sense of familiarity but if there is not enough action with the north node you must leave this one where it belongs...in the past.
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